Teachability

Homeschooling is a place where we find out about ourselves. I have learned so much about myself from being a teacher.

Basically, whatever I do that I don't like, I see them do and don't like and then I realize that I am their example.
 If I speak impatiently to them, how can I expect them to speak patiently to each other? If I don't feel like picking up after myself,
why would I be surprised wen they don't? And how can I ask them to, and think that they will be more mature than me?
I guess you could say this revelation is quite humbling. Actually, this is true of all parenting, not just homeschool parenting.
Maybe it just stands out more potently in this situation. I mean, you are trying to teach them directly in this situation.
Most of the time, parenting seems like a lot of indirect teaching and more direct discipline. Spening this many hours with them makes you see the results of your direct teaching all the more quickly. I'm not talking arithmatic here, folks.

I'm talking setting examples of good habits (or bad, in my case). I feel like they learn the unintentional lessons a lot quicker than the academics we're actually trying to teach them. Do I teach my daughter to doubt herself about her math ability? Do I show her to be so hard on herself when she doesn't write the letters perfectly the first time? Heaven help me, did I teach my son to throw temper tantrums and other physical objects when he is so frustrated about not getting a concept? What kind of a mother am I?

A real- life, human one, that's what kind. I am now becoming that much more aware of my direct influence over these guys.
Now I can attempt to stop myself in my tracks before I set another bad example, and more consciously attempt to set better habits. For myself.

Do you ever feel like a skipping CD? ('Broken record' is just too dated a phrase to use anymore...) I hate this expectation I had of my kids that after the second or third time I have said it, they should never forget again. And never not do what I say. Do I really think my kids are supposed to be that perfect? Do I have more grace for total strangers than I have for my own children?
Yeah, I think I do. Why is that? Somehow, I must be such an amazing parent, that my kids would never behave any way other than
my ideal. I know it takes patient guidance for other kids to get up to my standards, so I give them lots of grace, but my kids?
Well, they are children of ME, so they should be, you know, awesome... HMmm...

How do I reset that? Well, God has grace on me screwing up my kids, so do I have it for myself? If not, I know where I can get it.
And that same place is where I will learn to take the days one at a time and see that there are new mercies every morning. And I can ask for forgiveness and receive it. And I can ask for new grace for my kids and get it. That place is where I can get insight on my kids' best interest and figure out a new creative way to deal with the latest conundrum of discipline. My wellspring.
Do you have that place? Do you know where it is? The place where you fall in love, and it is LOVE, and you love each kid all the more the next time you look at them? I couldn't be a Homeschooling mom if I didn't have this place. In the presence of my Savior's Spirit.

Wow, I do learn a lot about myself through this process. I learn that I can't be perfect, and I can't depend on myself to have all the answers. That is a TOUGH thing to learn. I mean, you say those things and you know them to be true, but still you internally somewhere still actually believe that you should have the answers. And get really angry when it turns out not the case, as it inevitably will.

 Being teachable is a must for being a teacher. It's true. How can you expect others to learn if you won't?

ANd I want to be excited about learning something new about myself. That is a good example of being excited about learning.
Don't we want our kids to have that? I want to improve myself more every day. I want my kids to have wisdom imparted to them by word and actions.

That's my main point, I guess. Be teachable. And forgive yourself when you make mistakes. In fact, let your kids know when you screwed up and what you learned from it. What a great example of using mistakes to get better!

That's all that is on my mind for now. Bless you in your endeavors, readers.